Sometimes I wonder if it's hopeless. I wonder if she's destined to turn out like her biological family. I wonder if her genes have doomed her and if her character is already determined after just 6 short years.
Slowly the lies build, and out of my heart flows attitudes and actions that betray my hopelessness. But, the Spirit broke through those lies working as he often does, through song:
Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great high Priest who’s name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hand
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
You see I'm in the same position as she. I stand before the throne of God, hopeless. My sin and my depravity doom me. My imperfect and sinning human heart were a curse, determined before the day I was born. But I have a high priest who intercedes for me. My name is graven on his sacrificial hands, and he lives and pleads for me.
Then, who am I to give up on a little life? Who am I to doubt in the power of redemption? Clearly, WE do not redeem souls, but we are the hands and feet God uses to restore this world. As foster parents, we don't even know how long this opportunity to partner in redemptive sacrifice may be, but I pray we don't waste the days we are given.
(lyrics from Before the Throne)
I like this post, Amanda. Very honest and true.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI can say that it is hard to love your own (biological) children in the same way. Parenting a refining process. I feel like it brings out all my impatience, anger issues and selfishness. But each day the Lord works on my heart to make it more like His.
It sounds like He is doing the same thing in your heart.
Hang in there. You will see progress! :)
what a beautiful post, Amanda. Thank you for sharing so transparently. It really got me reconsidering my outlook and attitude. Thank you!
ReplyDelete